likeahyacinth:

I hate when people say ohhhh your pets only love you because you feed them. as if that wasn’t the first form of love any of us felt. get real.

cungadero:

“dont worry about it kitten” “okay yaayyyy

cemeterything:

cemeterything:

i think it’s so cute when you hit a car and its alarm starts going off. like aww are you mad at me?

ALT

ALT

pancakeke:

officersnickers:

wii ball you say…

someoneelsemaybe:

thememedaddy:

epilepticsaints:

maxknightley:

always kind of funny when you wake up from a dream and your first thought is “that symbolism was kind of heavy-handed wasn’t it.”

sandmandaddy69:

theburialofstrawberries:

theburialofstrawberries:

Took me years to understand the “why the long face” punchlines to “so a horse walks into a bar” jokes because I just thought that’s a normal sized face to have if you’re a horse. It never occurred to me judge a horse by the standards of man

I was a better person than all of you

ot3:

there’s an episode of malcolm in the middle where he just shuts up and stops complaining for awhile and it immediately starts to significantly improve his life but also it causes him an ulcer and by the end of the episode he is literally spitting up blood and i have always deeply and unshakably believed that is exactly how the situation would play out for me too